There are too many variables to guarantee an ideal Seder.
No matter how meticulously you plan a Seder, something will deviate. That doesn’t necessarily spell disaster, but if a perfectionist is leading a Seder, they might not have a relaxing night.
Of course, we always get through it. I think it’s fair to say that we Jews have made it through quite a bit in our history — it’d be rather embarrassing if we couldn’t handle two nights of Seders. That won’t stop us from kvetching, though.
I am guilty of some fairly ridiculous kvetches, especially when I was little. Some were food related:
“I don’t want carrots in my matzah ball soup.”
“Don’t eat the carrot.”
“The carrot makes everything else taste bad.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“Yes it does.”
Some were service related:
“I want to stand on the chair when I do the Four Questions.”
“That’s not safe —”
“But at school they let us do it.”
“Don’t get on the chair.”
(On the chair) “Mah nishtanah…”
And some were universally agreed upon:
“This is taking so long.”
Matzah — glorified cardboard — is another aspect of the Seder that is likely to cause a problem. First, there will be tiny shards of matzah (I refuse to call them crumbs because they are so pointy) everywhere the moment the first matzah is broken. Second, there is almost no chance that the sheet of matzah will break exactly where you want it to. Third, someone will always make the “cardboard joke” that I just made, and someone else will roll their eyes. It’s tradition.
The Ten Plagues are also a bit rough to get through. I just want my matzah ball soup, but I have to hear about blood, pestilence, locusts and boils first. There are toys made for children about the plagues — my family has a magnetic dartboard with points depending on what plague you hit, and, even more concerningly, a set of plush plagues (yes, including death of the firstborn). At least the frogs are cute.
If you host or are attending a Seder this year, remember to expect the unexpected, embrace the weirdness, take deep breaths (when the horseradish is not in front of you), and remember that no matter how much we kvetch, we’re lucky that God took us out of Egypt.
Chag Pesach sameach!
