I find there are many joys and equally as many “oys” in Jewish parenting. At this time, the rapidly approaching end of the Sunday school year has me reflecting on what my children have learned, how we as parents go about Jewishly educating our children, and what we do outside of Jewish learning environments that reinforce or augment what children hear, do and process in those places of learning.
Top of mind for me is the occasional conflict between my son’s competitive soccer games and Sunday school. We have picked him up early more than once (including last week) so that he could go play a soccer game — and I’m conflicted about it.
Jewish learning and Jewish experiences are important to me — I was fortunate to have good opportunities for both as a child, and I want the same for my children. Yet I also played competitive soccer like my son, and I recognize what being a responsible teammate means, particularly when a team is short on players. Others may make different decisions, and I would certainly understand putting Jewish education first at all times. But as I try to justify to myself letting him play and learn communication and leadership skills on the soccer field, I also try to think about what I’m doing for my son outside of Sunday school to give him a Jewish life and experiences.
Recently we participated in two nights of Seders at the beginning of Passover — the first at my sister’s house with many members of our family, and the second at the home of close family friends since my childhood, whose son was in town with his family for the holiday. I have no doubt those experiences with cousins and friends will linger in my son’s memory and help define for him what being Jewish and living Jewishly is all about, even if he did not recite the Four Questions in Hebrew (which caused me a bit of heartache). Yes, in part being Jewish is about knowing and telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt and about remembering the difficulty and pain of being slaves, and also it’s about family and friends and celebrating our freedom together, even while we have in mind Jews who still today are not free.
I took my kids to the community Yom Ha’Atzmaut celebration to continue to foster their connection with Israel, and then this summer, I can enjoy and appreciate that they will attend both J Camp, and for my son who is a bit older, Herzl Camp. He’ll get three weeks of an immersive Jewish experience, even while he continues prioritizing sports (his first love) and hanging out with friends throughout the days there. I’m thrilled to send him to a place with Jewish learning, Jewish experiences and Jewish kids, where he can develop lifelong Jewish friendships and continue building that connection with Israel. I’m even more thrilled that he’s excited about going after his first overnight camp experience there last summer.
In between, I’m planning to host some friends in the community at my home for a sushi Shabbat dinner. We’ll light the candles, say Hamotzi over challah, drink juice/wine and celebrate the holiday that gives us a break and special time each week.
Living a Jewish life and modeling and choosing Jewish experiences is something I hope will eventually sink in with my children, who I want to become Jewishly involved/engaged teens and young adults, and hopefully people who will raise their own Jewish families someday. That doesn’t mean we have Shabbat dinner every week, or go to every community program. And if sometimes my kids miss part of a day of Sunday school, my great hope is that it won’t mean that they then do not grow up to celebrate holidays, give tzedakah or visit and connect with Israel. Hopefully it just means that they are well-rounded people who can connect with others in different ways — maybe including playing soccer while in Israel someday.