During our Passover Seders, we recount our ancestors’ Exodus from Egypt, celebrating our liberation from the shackles of Egyptian slavery into the promise of freedom. Yet, as we celebrate our freedom, we must also confront a painful truth: For too many in our community, the journey to freedom remains incomplete. Domestic violence — a modern form of bondage — persists, even within Jewish homes, undermining the peace and dignity we cherish.
The statistics are sobering. The Centers for Disease Control estimate that more than one in three women and one in four men will experience intimate partner abuse in their lifetimes, and our Jewish communities are not immune. As Jewish Women International’s (JWI) Needs Assessment on Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community found, this is not a problem confined to “others” — Jewish men and women across the religious spectrum experience and suffer from this form of abuse. Troublingly, one in three Jewish survivors of intimate partner violence report staying in relationships due to feelings of embarrassment or guilt and a lack of support from clergy.
As a rabbi and a member of JWI’s Clergy Task Force to End Domestic Abuse in the Jewish Community, I’ve seen firsthand the urgent need to change this reality.
The Passover Haggadah teaches us that freedom is not merely an escape from slavery, but requires dignity and safety. For survivors of domestic violence, the tears we symbolize as we dip the karpas into the saltwater are not ancient history but a daily reality, and our tradition demands that we act. We cannot sit idly by while shalom — peace and wholeness — is shattered.
Passover is a time of telling our story — the story of escaping oppression and resilience. Yet, for those experiencing abuse, finding the courage to tell their story or to leave an abusive situation can be daunting. Fear, shame, financial dependence and stigma can silence survivors. As a Jewish community, we are called to create an environment where these stories are not only heard but honored. This commitment to listening to these stories can be understood both spiritually and literally as Shema Yisrael — to hear the struggle of another to become more able (vatukhal).
Teaching healthy relationships rooted in Jewish values is also part of the antidote to this crisis. The Torah instructs us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18), a commandment that applies most intimately to those with whom we share our lives. A healthy relationship entails chesed, trust and partnership — qualities exemplified by our ancestors. Consider Sarah and Abraham, who, despite their challenges, navigated their marriage with mutual respect. Contrast this with the coercive control or violence that marks abusive relationships. Passover invites us to ask: Are we fostering homes of liberation or perpetuating cycles of harm and servitude?
JWI’s Clergy Task Force, which I’ve been privileged to join, works tirelessly to equip rabbis and cantors with tools to support survivors and educate our communities. We empower spiritual leaders to recognize red flags — be it physical harm, emotional manipulation or financial control — and respond with compassion and urgency. Two-thirds of clergy surveyed by JWI report being approached by survivors, often as their first point of contact. This trust places a sacred responsibility on us to act.
This Passover, let us take concrete steps. As the Talmud teaches, “Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if they have saved an entire world" (Sanhedrin 37a). This compels us to support survivors, break the silence and reject the stigmas that isolate those in abusive relationships. Let’s commit to education — training our children, from Hebrew school to summer camps to day schools to youth groups, to recognize the signs of abuse and the hallmarks of love.
The Seder ends with “Next year in Jerusalem,” a prayer for ultimate redemption. But redemption must begin now, in our homes. Yerushalayim can be understood "midrashically" as "they will see wholeness." Moving from brokenness (yahatz at the Seder) to wholeness (Yerushalayim) is our life mission and vision in general, and in particular with respect to domestic violence.
Let us make this Passover a turning point, breaking the chains of domestic violence and building relationships that reflect the freedom we celebrate. May our Jewish communities embody the promise of shalom, ensuring that every Jew — every person — can live free from fear and more fully as whole human beings.
As we remember the tears of our ancestors, let us also remember those who cry unseen tears today. As we break the middle matzah, acknowledging the brokenness in our world, may we commit to the healing and wholeness of all people.