QUESTION: I am sure this is going to be an unusual question. We are Conservative Jews. Furthermore, I would say we are not especially observant but certainly respect the holidays and the basic values of Traditional/Conservative Judaism. Our son is engaged to a young lady from New York City. Their wedding is going to take place this coming June. My son and future daughter-in-law always wanted a June wedding. The problem is in New York City where thousands of Jewish brides and grooms marry in the month of June. There were no Sundays available for their wedding. Sundays are booked very quickly. They are now thinking of getting married on a Saturday night and the rabbi tells them that he is available at 8 p.m. I know by just checking sundown that that is a good hour or slightly more before Shabbat concludes. I have always been told that weddings cannot be performed on Shabbat or a major Jewish holiday. Is that true and if so, why?
RESPONSE: I do not want my response to create any kind of family friction. It is wonderful that your son is marrying a Jewish girl in a Jewish wedding ceremony.
It is a major violation of Jewish law, biblical law, to get married on Shabbat or a major Jewish festival. If you think about it, there are numerous ingredients in a Jewish wedding ceremony that violate Shabbat or a festival. There is the signing of the Ketubah and one cannot write on Shabbat. There is the breaking of the glass and breaking any object is forbidden on Shabbat. The wedding ceremony itself is a contract between bride and groom. One cannot enter into a contract on Shabbat or Yom Tov.
Shabbat does not end until dark, which is about 40 minutes after sunset. Whether one does a wedding at 10 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon or 8 in the evening in the month of June, it is all the same. It is not like “Shabbat winds down.” Having lived in New York as a young man in rabbinical school, I attended weddings that began at 10 at night. That city “rocks.” It is not unusual for people to go out to dinner at 10 or 11 p.m., and then activities following. If your kids are determined to have their wedding on a Saturday night, there is no reason they could not start at 9:30 or 9:45 p.m. and do very well in New York City.
Your feelings about the severity of the violation of Jewish law in doing this before Shabbat is over are totally correct and I hope this issue gets resolved for the good.
