QUESTION: We are being married in the near future in a traditional wedding ceremony. We were told by the rabbi that we could use two rings in the ceremony but they were to be given at different times and not in the same part of the ceremony. What is this all about?
ANSWER: To answer this question one has to speak a little about the history of the “double ring ceremony.” Prior to the late 1800s there was no such thing as a “double ring ceremony” in ANY religion! The concept of the bride giving her groom a ring developed in the late 1800s and early 1900s in Christianity. I presume it was seen as a sign of sexual equality.
Since the concept of a second ring being given by the bride to her groom began as a Christian ceremony, it should not be surprising that the more traditional wings of Judaism, particularly Orthodoxy, was reluctant to permit that as part of the Jewish ceremony.
There is a further complication in terms of giving a second ring. The Talmud talks about the various means and ways by which one can create a marital bond. One such means is by the groom giving his bride a ring. There are numerous ways of creating a marriage in Judaism, including a common law marriage tolerated but frowned upon in Jewish law. One of the topics discussed in the Talmud is that a marriage should not be created by means of an “exchange.” An exchange means where the groom gives his bride something and in return the bride gives something to the groom at the same time.
The reason that Jewish law frowns upon an “exchange ceremony” is because the groom has to be seen as clearly giving his wife a gift creating the marital bond. If the wife were to immediately turn around and return the same type of gift, such as a ring, to her husband it could bring some question on the ceremony, which might be seen as an “exchange ceremony.” The objection to the second ring has nothing to do with women’s rights or equality, but a legalism where the exchanging of rings is seen as very questionable in Jewish law.
Many Orthodox rabbis therefore will not perform a double ring ceremony at all. Some more liberal Orthodox rabbis and traditional rabbis as well as more traditional Conservative rabbis will permit a double ring in the following fashion. The giving of the second ring by the bride to the groom is separated and designated to a later part of the ceremony where there can be no appearance of “an exchange of rings.” Furthermore, if the bride opts to say something when she presents a ring to her husband, it CANNOT be the same wording that the groom uses in giving the ring to his bride because her act does not have the same legal consequence as his presenting a ring to her.
Many traditional brides and grooms will not use a second ring during the ceremony, but if the groom is going to wear a ring, he will put it on immediately after the ceremony.
One of my upcoming brides was surprised recently to find out that one did not have to have the bride giving a second ring to her groom; that a one-ring ceremony was not only permissible but preferable in Jewish law.
It is also interesting to note that Judaism because of its uniqueness likes to maintain its own traditions and customs separate from Christianity or any other religion. Therefore, if traditions and customs that were even originally Jewish become the mainstay of another faith — such as kneeling in Catholicism — then Judaism traditionally drops those practices that have become so Christianized. I suspect that some of the reluctance by many of the Orthodox rabbis to officiate at a double ring ceremony is based on the fact that its roots are in Christianity.
