Suicide takes the life of almost 30,000 people in the United States each year, but a local organization wants to make sure those lives are not forgotten.
Bonnie and Mickey Swade are co-founders of Suicide Awareness Survivor Support of Missouri and Kansas. The group, referred to as SASS-MoKan, will host its annual Remembrance Walk at 9 a.m. Sunday, Sept. 11, at Loose Park in Kansas City, Mo. Registration for the event starts at 8 a.m. SASS-MoKan uses the $25 participation fee from the event to provide support for those who have lost loved ones to suicide.
These suicide survivors connect through SASS-MoKan’s support group.
The Swades, who attend Congregation Beth Torah, started the organization after their son Brett Swade committed suicide in 2003. Brett died at age 31.
“When Brett died there were no suicide support groups in the city,” Mickey said. “We ended up at Solace House.”
Solace House provides support for families and children going through grief. But the group does not focus on those who have lost loved ones to suicide. The Swades said they noticed a void in the Kansas City area when it came to support for suicide survivors and they wanted to help fill that void.
“When Brett died Bonnie wanted to make something positive out of his death,” Mickey said.
Within a year the couple started SASS-MoKan. The support group meets from 6:30 to 8:15 p.m. on the second and fourth Tuesday of the month at the Shawnee Mission Medical Center’s Life Dynamics Building, 9120 W. 75th St., Merriam, Kan.
Mickey said the first year the group met about two to three people regularly came to meetings. Today the group averages 17 people per meeting and has had as many as 35 people in one meeting.
The group has events to support survivors throughout the year. SASS-MoKan has a Suicide Remembrance Day the Saturday before Thanksgiving. It also scheduled a Healing Day for survivors in February. The Healing Day will include yoga, massages and opportunities to connect with other suicide survivors.
Bonnie and Mickey describe the grieving process for suicide as different than that of other deaths.
“With suicide there are so many unanswered questions and the only one who can answer the questions is gone,” Mickey said. “You are never going to be the way you used to be. We refer to it as the new normal.”
Bonnie said the support group provides a safe place for suicide survivors to connect with others who understand what they are going through.
“Sometimes after a suicide friends are uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say to you anymore,” Bonnie said.
Bonnie offers advice to those who want to show support to friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.
“You don’t tell someone to get over it,” Bonnie said. “One of the things is to just be there. Don’t say call me when you need me, because I don’t think survivors will ever call.”
Bonnie said it’s important to let suicide survivors talk about their loved ones. Even after nearly eight years, Bonnie said she still thinks of Brett every day.
But in the midst of this tragedy Bonnie said she has found peace. Bonnie said she wants to provide hope to other survivors.
“You can find joy in your life again after a traumatic death of suicide,” Bonnie said. “You do find that life has a lot of richness to offer.”
Bonnie and Mickey anticipate that up to 450 people will participate in the Remembrance Walk this year. Last year 350 people attended the event.
“It goes up every year,” Mickey said.
Tara Spiller, a board member for SASS-MoKan, plans to attend the walk.
Spiller’s 17-year-old daughter Samantha died to suicide three-and-a-half years ago. She said the SASS-MoKan support group helped her get through the first year after her daughter’s death.
“You are able to talk to people who understood the same situation that you are going through,” Spiller said. “It’s nice to have those people to be connected to.”
Spiller no longer attends SASS-MoKan regularly. She said the annual walk provides an opportunity to reconnect with other survivors.
“It’s just that overwhelming sense of family,” Spiller said. “You just have that bond that doesn’t go away.”
Spiller said the event also helps raise awareness about suicide and mental illness.
“It’s an illness like any other illness,” Bonnie said.
Bonnie and Mickey said it is important to celebrate the lives of suicide victims. The act of suicide can take only moments, but it’s the years that the loved one spent on earth that should always be cherished, Mickey said.
“We need to remember a tragedy so we can appreciate life more,” Bonnie said.
For more information, contact Bonnie at 913-681-3050 or by email at .