By Marcia Montgomery / Associate Editor
Goodbyes are always difficult, but virtual goodbyes are even harder.
Rabbi Debbie Stiel has accepted a position as associate rabbi for Temple Solel, a Reform synagogue in Phoenix.
She regrets not being able to give her congregants a goodbye hug or being able to enjoy a final lunch together due to COVID-19.
“Saying goodbye is often very difficult, you have all these losses, but it’s heightened when you can’t do a normal closure,” Rabbi Stiel told the Chronicle.
Her new congregation has about 640 families — much larger than the 95 families at Temple Beth Sholom — and a full-time preschool that has around 200 children.
“I really am excited to get the position and I feel like it’s a good, warm, haimish congregation and it will be a good match, but right now I feel pretty immersed in trying to leave this congregation in as good a position as I can and saying goodbye to people,” Rabbi Stiel said.
Rabbi Stiel worried she and her husband would be unable to find a house in Phoenix as there are not as many homes on the market due to COVID-19. Luckily, they were able to fly to Phoenix and find a house, which they will be moving into very soon. Her last day at Temple Beth Sholom is June 14.
Rabbi Stiel and her husband Steve, a social worker, have two grown children: Micah is 24 and works as an accountant in Kansas City; Jonah is 21 and is majoring in chemistry at KU. They will not be accompanying their parents to Phoenix.
“I think they’re of an age where it’s OK that we’re leaving the area, but on the other hand, we’ve been a very close family and we usually get together at least weekly, so I think it will be bittersweet for all of us,” she said.
Rabbi Stiel said COVID-19 will make it hard to get to know her new congregants.
As associate rabbi at Temple Solel, she will work together with the senior rabbi, sharing congregation responsibilities, such as preaching, teaching and pastoral duties. Although it’s hard to leave years of relationships, Rabbi Stiel said this is a good opportunity for her. She has been a rabbi for 26 years, receiving her honorary Doctor of Divinity last year.
She has nothing but praise for Temple Beth Sholom, which she said has a warm, friendly feel to it — where people are committed to trying to make things work.
“But the sad truth is the congregation is slowly getting smaller and I also felt that after 14 years of being a solo rabbi, being the only Jewish professional in the city, I was ready to go to a place with more Jews and to a congregation with a larger staff,” she said.
Temple Beth Sholom will be seeking a rabbi from Kansas City to work part time this next year. The congregation plans to look for a permanent rabbinic presence for the congregation, either full time or a bit less than full time.
She said she would like people to know that Topeka is a great place to live. She encourages people to consider moving there if they are looking for a city that’s smaller, yet still has the arts and a warm congregation.
Rabbi Stiel said that her goal has been to keep Temple Beth Sholom vibrant, to have worship services that are meaningful to people and to provide a range of adult education opportunities — both in classes that she herself taught and bringing in speakers. It has also been important to her that the congregation be involved in social justice efforts.
“I feel like we’ve done that successfully. We’ve remained a vibrant congregation even though it’s the only Jewish presence in the city,” she said. “I know I could not have done that alone, so I’m really grateful that people in this congregation wanted to be involved and were equally committed to those causes.”
She added that she has been thankful to belong to the Kansas City Rabbinical Association. “It’s been pretty important for me to have that connection to other rabbis.”
Rabbi Stiel said that she is also indebted to the Kansas City Jewish Foundation. “They have been good about extending their resources to our congregation — including our kids in B’nai Tzedek and our young families in the PJ Library program, things that we could not do on our own. So I’m grateful they have been concerned about Jews in the larger Kansas area.”
This is not how Rabbi Stiel wanted to say goodbye to her community. She said, “I think we thought we were going to have four or five months to spend time together, and we have had wonderful times together on Zoom, but it’s not the same; it lacks that closeness of being in person.”