Contemplating a divorce is difficult for any couple. Susan Saper Galamba, a local divorce and family law attorney, has written a book, “Don’t Burn the Underwear,” in an effort to help couples through the process.
“Even with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, people are embarrassed to talk about divorce if it is happening to them,” Galamba said.
“The reality is that marriage is hard work and that people need to make it a priority tends to be forgotten. … If they are going through a tough time, I hope that ‘Don’t Burn the Underwear,’ will help remind them that their marriage is worth fighting for. If on the other hand divorce is the direction that they are headed, ‘Don’t Burn the Underwear’ will provide them with concise, practical information about the divorce process in an easily understandable format.”
The most important advice Galamba would give someone who is going through a divorce is to “make decisions like you would in business, and not allow your emotions to control the divorce.” A graduate of Georgia State University Law School, Galamba has been practicing law for 22 years. She is licensed to practice in both Kansas and Missouri, and is trained in mediation and arbitration.
Galamba admits that people who have children face some different issues when they are seeking a divorce. “If you ask yourself, ‘what is truly in the best interest of my children’ prior to making decisions, you can’t make a mistake,” she said. “The caveat … is understanding that unless there is a real danger, it is important for children to have a relationship with both parents.” In her book she says that “the reality is that children are far better off living in two happy homes rather than in one miserable home.”
Galamba decided to write the book because she has seen so many people enter the process with no idea of what was going to happen or what to do when facing a divorce.
“No one ever thinks divorce is going to happen to them, and when it does they are completely unprepared,” she said. “They don’t know how to find an attorney, what information they need to gather, or what to expect. Worst of all, they can’t concentrate on anything, and are often fighting just to make it through the day. I wanted to provide a resource that was helpful to everyone.”
Being a divorce attorney is not easy partially because people employing divorce attorneys are not always behaving in a positive way.
“The most distressing part of being a divorce lawyer,” Galamba said, “is witnessing the lengths that people will go to hide the truth, and/or fight about things that they really don’t care about.”
One of these issues is an important one for the Jewish community. She has had husbands who refuse to give their wives a ‘get,’ a Jewish divorce.
“You cannot force them, and the courts cannot order it,” she said, “due to separation of church and state. But this is one of those issues that people fight over because they want to be vindictive, not because they care if their wives have a get.”
Galamba, who is a ‘third generation congregant of The Temple, Congregation B’nai Jehudah,” believes her Jewish upbringing impacts her role as an attorney. She thinks it is important to be a good person, living honestly and respectfully. Therefore it is most distressing for her when someone lies. This bothers her on a personal and Jewish level.
Her Jewish ethics also impact her when it comes to dealing with children and divorce.
“In Judaism we learn to protect our children and keep them safe,” she said. “If you allow your emotions about your ‘ex’ to impact your children, it is not the Jewish way. You don’t have to be a friend with your ex spouse, but you have to be respectful of their bond with your children.”
Her work as a divorce attorney impacts her role as a wife and a mother of two teenagers. “It has helped my marriage,” Galamba said. “It makes me aware when things happen with my husband.”
“I don’t care who you are, marriage is hard work,” she added. “Everyone goes through good and bad times. Raising children can cause such stress. It is important to learn to compromise.”
People going through a divorce need to realize that “the only person in the world you can control is yourself,” she said. “No one can control an ex-spouse, but they can control how they react and how it affects them.”
“Don’t Burn the Underwear” is available from www.dontburntheunderwear.com, Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and Barnes and Noble at Town Center. It costs $5.99 for an eBook or $9.99 for a paperback.