Opinions

Chanukah is a special time to come together with family and loved ones to celebrate culture and tradition. The miracle itself. The candles. The presents! Of course children love that last part and no doubt have made it abundantly clear what new material things they’d like to receive.

But what they might not always be able to tell you is how much they’d also love the gift of your time. Modern life doesn’t always make that easy. That’s a reality to which many of us have resigned ourselves. Work, family, friends, school, social obligations, even social media all pull on us and squeeze our ability to prioritize our time. The key to that is finding a balance in what works for you personally and your family. We often think of balance in terms of moderation, like watching what we eat and drink or how we budget and exercise.

Balance means we keep ourselves in check. When everything is in balance, much like in the world, there is typically harmony and stability. But how do we find that balance in a way that can make both you and your family happy? When we became parents, we made a commitment to love, teach and care for our children. That automatically means less time for ourselves and a certain degree of sacrifice in order to tend to their needs. Sometimes all it takes is slowing down even a little in our fast-moving world to assess our relationship with our children. We can’t be so stuck in our daily regimen and routines that we can’t shake things up even a little to better accommodate the emotional needs of our children.

As a child and family therapist for many years, I have witnessed many children who weren’t given adequate time by their parents. Their self-worth suffers, as does their ability to love, accept and understand themselves and others. The key here is that it doesn’t take much to give kids what they need. Children thrive both mentally and emotionally when they are provided with love, affection and attention.

This begins with nurturing their sense of self and a healthy parent-child bond. Nurturing can be as simple as listening in that moment when they ask to tell you about their favorite Pokemon character (for what seems like 20 minutes!), or how a kid treated them poorly at school, or how they’re excited about a new movie coming out. In those extra minutes the gift of providing your time and attention can make a child’s perception of themselves — and of your relationship with him or her — increase tremendously. To do this means shutting out some of the many distractions that continue to compromise our time. Admittedly, that gets more difficult with each passing year. An easy way to start is for you to simply put your phone away when you come home for the evening. It’s important to remember, too, that quality counts just as much as quantity when it comes to time spent together. Healthy families find balance here, too.

Kids know you have demands outside the home, but when you are home, try not to let those reel you back in. You are your child’s most important audience and sometimes all it takes to make them smile inside is to be attentive. There are many things we might take for granted that have more meaning for our children than we might imagine. Consider cooking a meal or sharing a movie, throwing a ball, playing a game or simply going for a walk. So when we sit down with our children this year to light the menorah or feast on latkes, be sure to reflect on the importance of true togetherness. Gifts can’t be considered a trade-off or compensation for time spent together. Your presence is often the best present of all.

Wendy Anderson, LMSW, is the child and family therapist at Jewish Family Services.

I would like to comment on the letter from Lee Levin of Nov. 28 where he listed 10 accomplishments of Donald Trump since becoming president — in a humorous way.

Ignoring the issues arising from impeachment, it is not the catalogue of things Lee mentioned that concern me — although some of his list is debatable as positive — it is what he has not done I would like to focus on.

1. He has not supported any of the international efforts to combat the serious problem of climate change. Instead, he still supports growth of harmful fossil fuels and coal through deregulation.

2. He has not supported the concept of a two-state solution for Israel, which many experts feel is the only real way for peace in this conflict. If anything he has undermined the prospects and made the situation worse.

3. He has not supported the basic right of a free press to act as a check on abuse of power. He continues to mock this constitutional right by evoking “fake news” for any media that questions his facts and positions. Coming from the most mendacious leader we have ever had as a president, it is laughable.

4. He did not support the concept of military “chain of command” as shown in the recent support for Navy Seal Edward Gallagher, ignoring the advice of the peer court and the military leadership by overruling their direction.

5. He did not support the Kurds in Northern Syria who gave their lives (in place of U.S. soldiers) in fighting ISIS.

6. He does not trust his own intelligence agencies and chooses to believe Putin and the Russian misinformation campaigns. Our 2020 elections are at risk of more attacks.

7. He does not support the rights of women to have freedom of choice on how to manage their own reproductive decisions.

8. He does not support improvements for public education. The U.S. continues to fall behind many countries in reading and math, which will not bode well for competing in the future.

I could list many more, but I think you get the point. Trump is not the leader of the free world we so desperately need. I for one look forward to having a leader I can respect.

 Howard Trilling

Kansas City, Missouri

Jewish “The Life and Afterlife of Harry Houdini” by Joe Posnanski, Simon and Schuster, $28, also available as e-book.

Nearly a century after his death, the name Harry Houdini remains a household word, synonymous with the act of escaping from a difficult situation. If anything, his fame has grown since the time he amazed the world with his seemingly impossible escapes. He was a genuine media star in an age when print was the only medium. Quite an accomplishment for the immigrant son of a small-town rabbi.

Many books have been written about this master showman. Do we really need one more? The answer is a resounding yes, in view of the fact that “The Life and Afterlife of Harry Houdini” comes from the pen of Joe Posnanski, who is best known as one of America’s finest sportswriters — remembered by many here in the KC area as a former columnist for the Kansas City Star.

What makes this book stand out from all of the others is that rather than writing another chronological account of the subject’s life, the author has chosen to make the book about his own fascination with Houdini and his quest to learn more about both the man and the legends that still surround his life. He describes his conversations with a number of today’s best-known magicians, including Joshua Jay, Jim Steinmeyer and, finally, the one whom he considers the modern equivalent of Houdini, David Copperfield: “On the surface, how can you look at David Copperfield and Harry Houdini and not see mirror images? They are two Jewish boys who fell in love with magic at a young age, changed their names to follow their dreams, and became the most famous magicians of their respective times. They each collected books and magical objects. They each worked tirelessly — obsessively, even. They both became larger than life.”

In writing about Houdini, it is sometimes hard to separate the man from the myth. Houdini was a master of self-promotion, often getting reviews that he wrote himself published in local newspapers. In some ways, Posnanski argues, the myths are as significant as the facts, and as true of the Houdini phenomenon as a more mundane biography would allow. One surprising thing the author learned along the way is that aside from his legendary escapes, Houdini is not regarded within the magic community as a great magician.

On the other hand, Posnanski does dispel some of the myths, including the 1953 film, which was true to the spirit of Houdini but got the facts all wrong — including the depiction of him dying onstage — and the popular story that he escaped from an ice-covered river after diving into it bound in chains (the escape was real, but not the ice). Posnanski adds, “But as usual with Houdini, the truth is beside the point.” He also dismisses the notion, put forth in a made-for-television film, that Houdini successfully communicated from beyond the grave. While many biographers have accepted the belief that he was killed by a punch to the stomach, he argues that while the punch was real, it was most likely not the cause of death. Ultimately, the author summarizes the meaning of Houdini’s life: “He grasped for the stars. He sought immortality. And he would not yield, not ever. This is the part of Houdini that echoes through the years.”

This is a highly readable and entertaining book, and should be of interest not only to fans of Houdini but to fans of Joe Posnanski as well.

“Topeka School” by Ben Lerner, Farrar Straus Giroux, 287 pp. $27.

Ben Lerner grew up in Topeka, Kansas, the son of two Jewish psychologists at the Menninger Clinic. In his adulthood, he has become an award-winning novelist and poet, and now teaches in Brooklyn, New York.

This novel is somewhat autobiographical. The main character, Adam Gordon, has parents who are both psychoanalysts at an institution in Topeka referred to as “The Foundation.” His mother Jane Gordon has recently become famous for a book she wrote. This book puts her fellow psychoanalysts in the shadow of her fame. And if you haven’t figured it out, Adam’s mother is based on Ben Lerner’s mother Harriet Lerner whose first book, “The Dance of Anger,” became a great success.

Adam works to be part of the in-crowd at his high school. He’s not an athlete, but he is a successful debater, and he has a beautiful girlfriend. On the opposite side is a boy named Darren who is very troubled and unable to fit in with the gang, and becomes the punching bag for the in-crowd.

Sometimes the novel jumps to Adam’s parents and how they are thinking and what they are doing. The book portrays a bumpy ride of people trying to make sense of their lives, and because Ben Lerner is a poet, the novel is also very poetically written. It is a fascinating exploration of coming of age in Kansas, dealing with a parent’s fame and facing life’s ups and downs

Andrea Kempf is a retired librarian and an award winning book reviewer.

“Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church” by Megan Phelps-Roper, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2019, $27.

My first encounter with the Westboro Church was when they picketed my daughter’s graduation from KU law school. Then they picketed my synagogue, which led to our hiring a guard to be present during Shabbat services. Then my daughter and son-in-law moved to Topeka where the church picketed every service in their synagogue. They seemed to be everywhere. Now, reading Megan Phelps-Roper’s memoir, I began to understand why they were so vehemently picketing synagogues, parks and military funerals.

Rev. Fred Phelps, Megan’s grandfather, had deep biblical beliefs that he taught his family and his church. Homosexuality was a sin. Non-Christian religions were sinful. She and her family spent their childhoods picketing everything, holding signs that said “God Hates fags,” etc.

Yet in their home, their parents were warm and loving. The children were allowed to go to public schools and colleges. Megan spent a good part of her young adulthood on Twitter defending her church’s ideology to scoffers.

Then came the time when her grandfather grew old and other men took over the direction of the church. This is when Megan and her sister Grace finally decided they had to leave.

Reading her memoir explains why she left and how difficult it was to leave her family and make a new life. Her page-turning memoir captures the reader’s attention and the book is impossible to put down until the end.

Andrea Kempf is a retired librarian and an award winning book reviewer.

My mother made an astute observation about changes in the weather even as her dementia got worse. One uncommonly warm January day, we looked out her window and saw patches of green grass and birds fluttering at a bird bath. She remarked that it was strange for such warm weather during winter. 

We are sensitive to wild swings in weather even though we may not live where disastrous forest fires rage or flood waters spread across communities. Many of us, however, may be unaware that a harsh reality of extreme weather is the shrinking of natural resources. 

Farm crops, clean air and drinkable water are contaminated by toxins in burning wood and pollutants in flood waters. Today, as in past human history, diminishing resources have been shown to incite violent actions. Social violence includes hateful attacks on vulnerable minority groups, including the Jews.

When confronted with threats to future survival, some take drastic actions to ensure that whatever resources are available, belong to them. Individually or joining together in destructive groups, they divide everyone into inferior and superior categories by race, religion, gender and ethnicity. They are contemptuous of those they deem to have little value to share the reserves. They are driven to use deadly violence against Jews and others, falsely blaming us as the problem.

Hostility against Jews is likely based on the dreadful threat to available natural resources, among other factors. The solution is, though, within our reach. Recalling the words of the recent Rosh Hashanah Shofar service, we have the power to change our lives. With strength and determination, we can be leaders in repairing nature. We all deserve better lives on a robust planet and in an America that is free of hatred and assault.

 Mary Greenberg, Ph.D.

Leawood, Kansas

I was disappointed to read about the plots of the so-called Hanukkah-themed movies airing on Hallmark Channel as reported in the Jewish Chronicle.

The first film, “Holiday Date,” is about a woman who recently breaks up with her boyfriend, and ends up bringing a Jewish man to her family Christmas celebration to pose as her boyfriend. Having a Jewish character at a family Christmas celebration is hardly Hanukkah-themed.

The second film, “Double Holiday,” is about a Jewish woman who has to plan a holiday party for her office with her office rival. Sounds like another movie meshing Christmas and Hanukkah together.

I hope in the future Hallmark, and other channels, can find Jewish consultants who know something about Judaism to advise them on their movie plots.

 Joe Goldwasser

Overland Park, Kansas

There have been a variety of letters to the editor published in The Chronicle recently by writers who claim they know how they can bring lasting peace to Israel. Isn’t it really presumptuous for American Jews to be telling Israel what they should accept, change, destroy and move? 

We live out our idyllic lives in Kansas, Missouri, Vermont, etc. with no intentions to make Aliyah, and then we all seem to know what is best for Israel. We can only imagine what it is like to live in fear of terrorism. We don’t have the need for mandatory conscription of our young people to ensure the survival of our country. We are not under the global economic threats of BDS. 

When Israel’s leaders speak about threats to their national security, it’s for real.

 Herman Kanter

Leawood, Kansas

Impeach Trump?

I would like to add my voice to the constant stream of invective toward Trump that constantly appears in letters to The Chronicle. These writers are absolutely correct. Trump must be impeached and convicted, and the sooner the better. All one needs do is catalogue the terrible things he has done to this country:

1. The stock market and the economy are at record highs. Unemployment is at record lows. Wages are up, taxes are down. Get rid of him!

2. Five hundred thousand new manufacturing jobs have been created. Impeach him!

3. America has been made energy independent. That evil man must go!

4. He has renegotiated tariffs to America’s huge advantage. The nerve of the man!

5. He has fully funded the military so our tanks, planes and ships are no longer idle due to lack of money for maintenance. Unconscionable!

6. He has totally wiped out the ISIS caliphate. He is a war criminal!

7. He has compelled the NATO countries to pay their fair share of their own defense. What can he possibly be thinking?

8. He has secured the cooperation of Mexico in securing the southern border, choking off the flow of illegal aliens. Unspeakable!

9. He has reorganized the Veterans’ Administration, making it possible for veterans to receive timely, positive services. Just who does he think he is?

10. And Israel. He has moved the American embassy to Jerusalem. He has recognized Israel’s sovereignty over the Golan Heights. He has verified that Israel’s West Bank settlements are legal under international law. Convict him!

I could list dozens more of his atrocities, but you get the idea. I can hardly wait until next November gets here, when even if he is not impeached and convicted we will still be rid of him. On that blessed day we will wipe out every single one of these abominations and return to those glorious days when Obama was president.

 Lee Levin

Leawood, Kansas

Dear Sol,

The best way to support Israel is to help bring the Palestinians to the negotiating table. Once they recognize Israel’s right to exist, Israel should then remove Jerusalem as the capital city, give them an assurance that Israel will not build more settlements in the West Bank and will demolish those that exist, and give them the assurance there will be two states living securely and peacefully side by side. If we do that, there would be no need to withhold a portion of the military aid funding.

Unfortunately, there are many Orthodox Jews in Israel who are opposed to returning the West Bank to the Palestinians and up until now, those Jews have been necessary to form a coalition government. As you well know, it’s possible to be against the current Israeli government’s policies and still have a love for Israel. To characterize Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders as being anti-Israel is ridiculous and just not true.

 Marvin Fremerman

Springfield, Missouri