Archived Opinion

It is difficult to know how to react when we learn that someone has died, whether it’s someone we know or a celebrity, but how we react can have an impact on those around us.
This is especially true when we are talking about traumatic death such as suicide. I lost my brother to suicide in 2012 and was overwhelmed by the number of inappropriate questions and responses I received regarding his death. I tried then and I try now to give people the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they are most likely not trying to be malicious but lack education in what is appropriate to say to someone grieving and what is inappropriate or even harmful to say.
Based on my personal experience as well as my work in mental health promotion and suicide prevention, I have put together a short list of recommendations for how to react or respond when you learn of a suicide.
Everyone is different and their grieving process will be unique, therefore people may disagree on what is appropriate versus inappropriate. Use your best judgment.
Please do not say that someone “committed” suicide. The word commit has criminal connotations and we now know that suicide is not a crime, it is often the tragic result of mental illness. People who have lost loved ones to suicide already feel the stigma around the way their loved one died and insinuating (even unintentionally) that this act was anything but the result of a deadly disease can compound the grief experience. Instead, the appropriate language to use is that someone “took their life” or “died by suicide” or you can even say that someone “lost their battle to mental illness” in the way we often describe cancer deaths. This is more respectful of both those grieving and the person who passed.
Do not ask about the method the person used to end their life. I understand that people are curious, especially about death, but this is inappropriate. This information is incredibly personal to the loved ones of the deceased and it should only be brought up if they choose to disclose it. I was so traumatized by the method my brother used to end his life that I couldn’t bring myself to say it for years. When people, even friends, would flippantly ask me “how he did it” I was appalled and felt retraumatized. Even today, I do not like to share this information because my brother is so much more than the way he died. I believe in honoring him by focusing on his life and the good he did in the world, not the way his life ended.
On the same note, when there is a celebrity or high-profile suicide and the method used is disclosed, don’t share this information on social media and even be aware of mentioning it in public spaces. For one, it is disrespectful to that person’s loved ones (even if you don’t know them) but it can also be traumatic for individuals who have lost loved ones to suicide, struggle with suicide ideation or have attempted suicides themselves. According to a USA Today article regarding the irresponsible news coverage of Kate Spade’s death, “Mental health experts say exposure to media coverage of a high-profile suicide, especially coverage which fixates on the gratuitous details of a person’s death, can lead to more suicides. It’s called ‘suicide contagion.’ ” https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/06/kate-spades-death-and-suicide-contagion-how-media-got-wrong-again/678314002/
Never offer platitudes like “everything happens for a reason”, “God has a plan” or “they are in a better place.” It is natural to want to “fix” situations where people are hurting, however, grief is an experience full of pain (and a whole lot of other emotions) that cannot be mitigated with a simple statement. At best, these types of sentiments minimize the grief experience and at worst they are harmful to the mental health and can intensify the grief of survivors of suicide loss. Even if you truly believe that everything happens for a reason or that their loved one is in a better place, there is no need to share that with someone whose world just caved in on itself. It is very hard to find meaning in early grief, don’t make it any harder.
It’s okay not to know what to say.
Sometimes people wind up putting their foot in their mouth simply because they aren’t sure what the right response to someone grieving is. Don’t be afraid to express that you aren’t sure what to say but follow it up with “but I’m here for you” or “I am so sorry.” Those simple words can be incredibly reassuring in a time when predictability has been all but taken from a person. If you need more advice on what to say (or what not to say) the Huffington Post has suggestions about this topic: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-to-say-to-someone-who-is-grieving_us_5a946a4be4b01f65f599365a

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, suicide ideation or suicide attempts and you would like to speak to a therapist, contact Jewish Family Services by calling 913-327-8250 or visiting www.jfskc.org. Also, visit www.itsok.us to view resources on mental health and suicide prevention. If you have lost a loved one to suicide, visit http://www.sass-mokan.com/ for extensive resources for suicide loss survivors. Sarah Link Ferguson is JFS Mental Health Coalition coordinator.

Torah — the bedrock of Judaism

Rabbi Ismar Schorsch reminds us in his book “Canon without Closure” the study of Torah is the bedrock of Judaism and the ballast of a Jewish life. It should start early, be serious, and never lapse. It is this value that made Jews the people of the book and enabled them to overcome the powerlessness that comes with exile. Living largely in their heads, homes and synagogues, they proved time and again that the pen is mightier than the sword.”
We are blessed in our community to have so many teachers and synagogues where we can learn Torah.
Steven Israelite
Lee’s Summit, Missouri

Never again is happening again

I am a 23-year-old Jewish woman who is absolutely appalled with the situation in Texas with immigrants and asylum seekers being kept in concentration camps by the Trump administration. Photographs and recordings of children sobbing after being separated from their parents have been circulating in the media and I am waiting for a response by the institutional Jewish community.
To me, this is a clear instance of ‘Never Again’ happening again. It is up to us as a Jewish community to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and intervene in a massive, institutional way. I don’t need to tell you how to do that; I am telling you that I am equally as appalled and disappointed that there hasn’t been an institutional Jewish response to this yet.
History will remember us standing silent and complicit as we let this happen. We are uniquely positioned to prevent something like this from ever happening again. Why aren’t we?

Sonia Larbi-Aissa
London, England

Don’t blame Trump

Regarding immigrant children, anger against Trump is horribly misplaced. He is simply following the law the identical way that Obama did. There was no anger then.
If an alien brings a child with him, he knows that if caught he and the child will be separated. He defies our laws and does it anyway. So whose fault is it? Why Trump’s of course!
Of the 12,000-plus children now involved, 10,000 are unaccompanied. They have not been separated from their parents. The overwhelming number are teenagers. Our own tradition makes every teenager an adult. These immigrant teenagers are not “children,” not toddlers, as the media would have us believe.
Of the actual 2,000-plus separated children, according to PBS, 80 percent are teenagers. This means that less than 500 are under age 13.
What sort of parents would bring pre-teens with them on the long, perilous journey to the border, particularly in the heat of the season? This is child abuse. These parents fully knew the consequences of their illegal activities.
Unfortunately, the media will never let you know any of this. Instead, Americans are being manipulated and their compassion exploited by a cynical media attempting to portray all these “children” as toddlers being torn from their mothers’ arms.
Amazingly, according to the latest Rasmussen poll, over half of American voters see through this media sham. They properly blame illegal aliens who defy our laws at the risk of their own children. We all weep for the few pre-teens caught up in all this.
Ironically, now that Trump has issued his executive order, as demanded, the situation becomes worse. The families are reunited — everyone is now jailed in detention.
Is everybody happy?
Lee Levin
Leawood, Kansas

Fascism and Israel

The May 17 and May 24 issues of The Chronicle with Rabbi Levin’s opinion column and letters to the editor a week later by Mr. Sol Koenigsberg and Mr. Lee Levin deserve further commentary. I will not restate a summary of the rabbi’s opinion nor the letters of response. I assume by now these have been widely circulated, read and have generated widespread comment.
I agree with both letters to the editor. I believe Mr. Lee Levin has accurately stated the rabbi’s longstanding position.
Specifically, my additional comments to the rabbi’s letter regard his insensitive and needless use of the word “fascism” in a paragraph that speaks of Netanyahu, Israel and democracy. I have read and re-read this letter several times and urge you to do the same.
Fascism is defined extensively in political science. Fascism is defined more narrowly among most of our Jewish brethren including survivors of the Shoah. It immediately connotes fear, Nazi Germany, 6 million, gas chambers, camps, medical experimentation and the existential threat to the Jewish people.
Especially as Jews, should we not be extremely sensitive to the use of this word in written and oral composition and dialogue? Does the rabbi truly believe a new existential threat to our people should be feared by the Jewish nation-state of Israel moving toward fascism? Is our Jewish nation-state to become an antithesis of “democracy and love of the Jewish people”? How dangerous, disingenuous and sad is such vitriol.

Jerry F. Stolov
Leawood, Kansas

Flo Harris a visionary

Flo Harris was a woman of vision. It was important for her to leave a legacy that would have a profound impact on the future of the Jewish and secular communities. Her special interest projects would include children, young adults and seniors. Her generous contributions to such endeavors are funded through the Flo Harris Foundation of the Jewish Community Foundation.
As a woman of dignity, Flo Harris deserved to be buried in a cemetery that was well kept and would reflect her contributions to the community. She, her parents, and many family members are buried at Sheffield Cemetery. The Flo Harris Foundation has contributed generously to help in the restoration of the cemetery grounds and the renovation of the historic Sheffield Chapel. The chapel was in disrepair for more than 25 years. Due to Flo Harris’s generosity, a magnificent stained glass window was dedicated in her memory in the Sheffield Chapel. It depicts the Twelve Tribes of Israel. Flo Harris embraced her Jewish identity and the need to preserve the past as well as the future.
I believe it is an honor for us to have meaningful contributions to help in keeping Sheffield Cemetery in pristine conditions for future generations. We greatly admire Flo Harris for her foresight, and the Flo Harris Foundation for realizing how necessary it is to keep the cemetery from falling back into unfavorable conditions.
We are still in need of funds to keep Sheffield Cemetery beautiful. To make a donation to Friends of Sheffield Cemetery, make check payable to Jewish Community Foundation-Friends of Sheffield. Send it to Jewish Community Foundation, Attention: Antoinette, 5801 West 115th St.  #104, Overland Park, KS 66211.

Rickie Haith
Chair
Friends of Sheffield

Our beloved Israel, the democratic homeland of the Jewish people, lacks a constitution. Instead, Israel has 11 Basic Laws, meant to lay the groundwork for a future constitution. It also has a Declaration of Independence, which has been used by Israel’s Supreme Court as a guidepost for Israel’s fundamental values.
Israel’s Declaration of Independence states:
“THE STATE OF ISRAEL … will be based on freedom, justice and peace as envisaged by the prophets of Israel; it will ensure complete equality of social and political rights to all its inhabitants irrespective of religion, race or sex; it will guarantee freedom of religion, conscience, language, education and culture …”
Israel’s present government has proposed a new Basic Law, called the Nation-State Law in English, Hoq Ha-L’om in Hebrew. Here’s its purpose as set out in the law:
“Purpose 1. The purpose of this Basic Law is to secure the character of Israel as the National State of the Jewish People in order to codify in a basic law the values of Israel as a Jewish democratic state in the spirit of the principles of its Declaration of Independence.”
Please note the State’s character is the National State of the Jewish People, “in the spirit of the Declaration of Independence.” How does the government interpret the “spirit of the Declaration of Independence?”
The proposed Basic Law opens with this provision:
“Basic Principles 1. The State of Israel is the National Home of the Jewish People; wherein the Jewish People fulfills its yearning for self-determination in accordance with its historical and cultural heritage. 2. The Right of national self-determination in the State of Israel is unique to the Jewish People. 3. This Basic Law and all other laws shall be interpreted in conformity with this provision.”
The right of national self-determination is uniquely a Jewish prerogative in this newly redefined State. All other laws are to be interpreted in accord with this principle. No other people in the State has the right to self-determination. It is fair to anticipate that future laws in Israel will be interpreted with this idea in mind: Does this law further the self-determination of the Jewish people? If so, even when the law does not treat all citizens equally as the Declaration of Independence promises, it is nonetheless constitutional.
Tzipi Livny, founder of the Hatenuah Party, in an article in Haaretz newspaper on April 30 called this Basic Law “legislation to dismantle Israeli democracy.”
Already in Israeli law smaller towns may exclude Arabs, even citizens of Israel. It is well-known the army frequently watches passively while settlers deny the rights of Palestinians on the West Bank.
With this Basic Law, Israel stands on the verge of judging all laws not on the basis of their equal treatment of citizens of whatever background, but on the basis of the “self-determination of the … Jewish people.”
It is well-known Israel currently faces a demographic challenge: If Israel keeps the West Bank, the Jewish and Arab populations may soon be equal. Democracy means one person one vote. If Israel’s Arabs, including Judea and Samaria, become a majority, democracy means they would have the votes to replace the government with an Arab majority government.  
But not if this Basic Law passes. This is Prime Minister Netanyahu’s solution to the demographic dilemma of “greater Israel”: Do not treat the Arab population as equals.

My article two weeks ago in The Chronicle referred to the coming fascistic tendencies in Israel if this Basic Law passes. No one actually knows what the Likud government will do. But Tzipi Livni and the editorial board of the Haaretz newspaper, and many others who can read the writing on the wall, understand Netanyahu’s intentions. It’s not a matter of simply declaring Israel what it already is. The Declaration of Independence proclaimed Israel the national home of the Jewish people 70 years ago. No, it’s about degrading and delimiting the rights of the Arab minority and preventing them from ever having full rights in an Israel declared to be the State which fulfills the promise of this Basic Law, that “… national self-determination in the State of Israel is unique to the Jewish People.”
Will American Jews continue to support an Israel in which Arabs, de jure, are denied equal rights?
I am not declaring the problems associated with the Arab minority in Israel to be entirely Israel’s fault: far from it. But we are watching the Netanyahu government turn Israel into a legally repressive regime in which, contrary to Israel’s purpose as proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence, Israel will no longer be based on freedom, justice and peace for all of its inhabitants. Rather, it will be the Nation-State of the Jewish people if the government deems an oppressive law to be needed for the “Self-Determination of the Jewish people,” then democracy be damned.
The Netanyahu government expects the support of American Christian evangelicals and Orthodox Jews. Netanyahu already proclaimed liberal Jews no longer matter, “because in two generations they will all be assimilated.” My question is: Will American Jews who care about democracy support an Israel that has abandoned democracy and decency in its quest to be the so-called Nation-State of the Jewish people, but which oppresses Arabs?
Admittedly Israel’s Arabs may well enjoy better lives than the same people would in other nations in the Middle East. But that’s not the question we’re discussing here. Rather, will a non-democratic Israel be the nation of the Jewish people, or just another Middle Eastern theocratic leaning state that ignores the fundamental rights of a large proportion, possibly a majority, of its future inhabitants?  

Will our beloved Israel, the “hope of 2,000 years,” remain a democracy among the democracies of the world, or a regime that requires more and more oppressive measures to control its minorities? I pray for democracy, because only a democracy will survive as the Jewish state for all the Jewish people.

Rabbi Mark Levin is founding rabbi of Congregation Beth Torah.

V’yichazak lev paroh. “And Pharaoh’s heart grew hard.” In the story of Passover, as the people of the land of Mitzrayim suffer through 10 plagues, their leader grows more callous. Over and over he has the opportunity to soften his heart and avert the next calamity, but instead he allows his heart to grow hard and ensures further suffering. In this particular moment of history, I wonder: How have our own hearts grown hard toward the people in Gaza?
Yes, I know it is easy to clench up just at the mention of Gaza; that our minds might go to Hamas and terrorism and repeated wars. But, let me tell you about the time I spent there, of the people I met and the things I saw.
I work for a small Swiss think tank, researching humanitarian needs and measuring the effectiveness of aid and development response, and ran a project in Gaza for three and a half weeks in November and December 2016. I was there to assess the lingering damage to houses from the war of 2014, so that United Nations offices and non-governmental organizations could appropriately direct assistance to those still in need. In my time there, I had the opportunity to regularly interact with a large number of Gazans, including my team of 65 very polite and professional staff, dozens of earnest and hardworking NGO employees, some overworked U.N. employees, a number of families who generously welcomed me for tea and tours of their still-damaged homes, a few excited shopkeepers, and five very funny taxi drivers.
I was nervous: It took hours of questioning by Israeli authorities before they believed my work was not insidious and let me pass; then I had to lie to Hamas authorities about my Jewish heritage and beliefs in order to gain the necessary paperwork for a multi-week stay in Gaza.
Once I made it in, there were other things that tempted me to grow small and afraid: Israeli fighter jets leaving S-shaped steaks in the sky as they practice bombing runs; at night the sound of wedding fireworks at the fancy hotels on the beach being dwarfed by the boom of homemade missiles test-fired out over the Mediterranean; the silhouette of an Israeli surveillance balloon hanging in the sunrise every morning; the walls at the office reverberating automatic gunfire during Hamas war games.
But most of my time inspired softness and connection: talking over mint tea and shisha with young men who want to travel the world and grow their careers and raise families in a land that is safe and prosperous; laughing every morning as my crew of drivers joke and slap each other on the backs; seeing the loving sadness in the eyes of my falafel guy, the one with my favorite pickled turnips, when I tell him I do not have any children; a letter of gratitude from my staff, thanking me for coming to Gaza, for honoring their home with my visit.
Other moments inspired sorrowful compassion: turning on the sink or shower and feeling the salty, untreated seawater tingle against my hands and eyes and lips; walking to work past daily street vigils of older people, wool shawls wrapped tight against the cold ocean breeze, mourning and protesting the imprisonment or death of their children; standing in a rubble-strewn apartment, two years after an airstrike removed a wall and part of the roof, with a family that still lives there and is struggling to afford supplies to rebuild; looking at a photo of a woman’s granddaughter in the spot in the house where an airstrike killed the girl; watching a man from the power utility unlock and flip an enormous switch on an electrical pole, shutting down electricity to the neighborhood for the next 16 hours, a duty he performs every day because the power grid is stretched too thin.
And then still there were moments that gave me hope for Israeli response. I have friends and a large extended family in Israel, including a number of cousins currently serving in the IDF. I was nervous that my work would be judged and scolded by them. But in my visits with them after I left Gaza, I was met primarily with curiosity, as none of them had much of an idea of what was going on there. They just wanted to know what life was like for their neighbors and were a bit shocked to realize how little they knew.
So, now that we are confronted with grave violence on the border between Gaza and Israel, I wonder what are we choosing to focus on, and how that affects our hearts? Do we consider the fear Gazans feel for their children, brothers and wives? Do we acknowledge the frustration they hold as their industries and public services collapse? Do we share the hopes they have for a future when their businesses can prosper and their children can experience the outside world?
Frankly, I’m shocked it has taken so long for Gazans to organize large-scale protests. Their patience with the worsening conditions there has been mighty. Israel’s government holds incredible power over the conditions in Gaza and is using them as a political pawn under the guise of security. Meanwhile, the people of Gaza are suffering as they just try to live their lives. Of course there is blame to be held on all sides. But blame is just another form of callousness, of hearts grown hard. To avert disaster, in the lives of Gazans and in state of our own hearts, we must step out of our fear and excuses and take responsibility for improving the situation.

Max Gibson is a graduate of the HBHA and an Eagle Scout through Troop 61, with degrees from Naropa University and the University of Colorado — Denver. He currently lives and works in East Africa.

Defamatory attack misguided

Once again, the Chronicle has provided space for Lee Levin’s defamatory attacks on our community’s leaders (May 24, ‘The state of the Jewish people’). As a longtime member of Congregation Beth Torah and a regular attendee at his Saturday-morning class for over two decades, I can personally attest to Rabbi Mark Levin’s love of Israel. It is true that Rabbi Levin is not an enthusiastic supporter of Israel’s current government, but his criticisms are based on his concern that the country he loves is headed in the wrong direction, not on animosity toward the nation itself.
Stu Lewis
Prairie Village

Praising Gov. Colyer

As CEO and founder of the Unity Coalition for Israel, I sent a letter expressing our appreciation to Kansas Gov. Jeff Colyer for his proclamation in honor of Jerusalem Day as noted on the Whitehouse.gov website:
“In honor of today’s historic embassy opening, I am proud to have signed a proclamation declaring it Jerusalem Day in the State of Kansas. Thank you @POTUS for making this day happen!” — Gov. Jeff Colyer (R-KS)
Kansas was also well represented, through the Unity Coalition for Israel, at last week’s celebration in the Knesset of the U.S. and Guatemalan embassy moves to Jerusalem. To learn more about our work for Israel, we encouraged him, and Chronicle readers, to visit our website, unitycoalitionforisrael.org.
Governor Colyer’s bold proclamation and stand for Israel is paralleled only by the great former senator of Kansas, Bob Dole, and by his predecessor and current Ambassador of Religious Freedom Sam Brownback. The three of them together will be remembered, along with President Trump, as some of Israel’s staunchest allies.

Esther Levens
The Unity Coalition for Israel