Do we want to raise our kids to be more like Esther or Vashti?
As we approached Purim, I kept thinking to myself about the characters, what they represent and how they act as leaders in the story. I think about duality and the comparisons that indirectly happen in this epic tale.
As a kid I remember comparing Vashti to Esther. Vashti was always described as being defiant, as being a rebel, and was not exactly talked about in the most glowing way. However, Esther was a “pull yourself up from your bootstraps” queen with a cause. She felt righteous in her defiance as opposed to the portrayal of Vashti as being disobedient. As kids, we were taught to look up to Esther, her bravery, her gusto and her chutzpah for going to King Ahasuerus, and that Vashti deserved her exile for merely standing up for herself.
Now, as a mother, I contemplate who I want my children to emulate?
While Esther’s work and effort saved the Jewish people from annihilation and her bravery is not to be dismissed in any way, shape or form, she had to be pushed into that role. Her leadership was mentored and fostered by Mordecai, and it wasn’t until it was the very last option that she stood up for the Jewish people and revealed her true self to the king. Vashti, on the other hand, showed the king exactly who she was from the beginning — a no-nonsense woman who was not going to “entertain” the royal court just because she was beckoned for. She stood up for herself and her own autonomy to protect herself from people who we find out in the end were evil.
Both ways of presenting oneself are valid. Sometimes you need to slowly reveal your true self as a form of protection, and we don’t know our full potential until we are guided and pushed into a deep place of discomfort and out again. But it is also important to show up as your whole self and know your worth and value.
As I raise two young children, I think about this balance. How do I guide my kids to be leaders, speak up and stand up for what they believe in, and how do I make sure that they know that, when faced with injustice, they have the full right to scream and shout until they are heard — even if there are significant repercussions for their actions? Both are possible and necessary.
In a time when things feel unsure and unstable, having a voice and an opinion are critical. Both Esther and Vashti showed us how to do this with grace and gumption. Maybe we raise our kids to be a little bit of both.