When my daughter got engaged to a man who was raised Catholic, I sought counsel from a rabbi I knew.
“I’m not so much worried about him. But his mother is Catholic and active in her local church,” I told the rabbi.
“In that case, it will fall on you to see that any grandchildren are also exposed to Judaism,” he said.
“Do you mean it will become a ‘battle of the grandmas?’” I asked.
“Not exactly.” He paused, then said, “Yeah. I guess it sort of will be. In some ways, it will kind of be a competition.”
Fortunately, I now have a whole team on my side to help me win this “sort of, kind of” contest. Thanks to PJ Library’s “Jewish Grandparents Huddle,” I can gather with other Kansas City bubbes and zaydes and share strategies for passing down Judaism to the next generation.
The brainchild of Bridey Stangler of Jewish Federation, these monthly gatherings provide an opportunity for Jewish grandparents to gather for what she calls, “coffee, chitchat and the exchange of ideas on Jewish grandparenting.” (Full disclosure, I’m friends with her mother, Jill Maidof. But even if I didn’t know her mom, I would be singing the praises of Bridey and this program.)
Funded through a grant from Implementing Partner Engagement Grants, the focus of the initiative is to provide Jewish activities and materials for grandparents to share with their grandchildren. The program is geared to those with grandchildren living locally and those out of town. According to a 2019 study by the Jewish Grandparents Network, almost half of Jewish grandchildren don’t live in the same place as their grandchildren. Of the local participants, it has been estimated that approximately 25% have grandchildren living far away.
Along with grandparenting from afar, the program also addresses grandparenting of children in interfaith households. Nationally, more than half of Jewish grandchildren have a parent that’s not Jewish. At one recent meeting, 100% of the grandparents present had a non-Jewish son- or daughter-in-law.
At these monthly discussions, we discuss the challenges presented by this reality. Over bagels and coffee (and no less than three kinds of milk), we delve into the “joys” and “oys” of being a Jewish grandparent today. We have talked about the anguish of watching a new grandbaby be baptized; the frustration over Hanukkah decorations never getting unpacked; the anxiety wrought by a family attending Midnight Mass. But we’ve also discussed the joy of hearing a grandchild say, “L’Shanah Tovah, Grandma;” the beauty of a Shabbat dinner prepared by a Muslim daughter-in-law; the latkes fried by a non-Jewish son-in-law.
Each session ends with Bridey foisting Jewish children’s books on us. As a librarian, I am especially pleased with this part of the session, delighted to see books with titles such as “Tea with Zayde” and “Mitzi’s Mitzvah.” Several books are provided in duplicate for out-of-town use, with one copy to be kept and the other sent to the grandkids, then read together remotely.
Much as I love this literary encouragement, it is the intimate discussion among us that I enjoy most about these huddles. I’m not much of a sports fan, but I’ve been told that when football players gather on the field and put their heads together, they are receiving instructions and signals to use in the next offensive play. That’s what we are doing in our Jewish Grandparents Huddle: learning tactics and strategies for successful Jewish grandparenting. Our end goal is not to win points, but rather to gain another generation of Jews. May our team prevail in this worthy pursuit. Go, team, go!
Nancy Kalikow Maxwell is a Kansas City native and award-winning author. Her book, “Typically Jewish,” is available through the Jewish Publication Society or Amazon. Her website is kaliwellinc.com and email is .