Depression is a tough mental illness. Through treatment, some are successful in winning the battle against depression. Others lose the fight and their lives. Jason Arkin, a member of Congregation Beth Torah who grew up in Overland Park, lost his battle with the disease when he took his own life on May 19 at the age of 20. Now his parents Steve and Karen Arkin are working to help others who face depression and other mental illnesses to talk about the issues and get help.
“For Jason and, more importantly, for those that still suffer from depression and other mental illnesses, we are dedicated to raising awareness and increasing understanding of this disease. {mprestriction ids="1,3"}We want to encourage communication and eliminate the stigma for those that suffer,” the Arkins state on the walk’s Facebook page.
Jason Arkin had struggled with depression since the age of 12. A graduate of Blue Valley Northwest High School, Jason underwent intensive treatment for a number of years, even returning to Kansas City for a time during college for treatment.
The Arkins and their friends are planning a Walk for Jason on Sunday, Sept. 20, honoring Jason’s memory and calling attention to mental illness and the stigma that surrounds people affected by it and their loved ones. As of Aug. 17, 134 people had already registered and more than $3,000 had been pledged. (For more information, see box Page 19.)
In an interview last week, Karen Arkin said the family is doing as well as can be expected just a few short months after their son’s suicide.
“It’s very, very hard. There’s just a big hole in your heart,” she said.
Karen explained that she and her husband knew for a long time that Jason had depression. Jason first told his parents he had suicidal thoughts when he was 12.
“It was really just our goal since that time to support him, and keep him going and try to keep him from being so hard on himself,” his mother said.
“He was such a perfectionist and he had a very low frustration tolerance for himself. He also had a lot of hatred turned inwards. You could tell him to relax, to try to enjoy life and be a kid and take it easy, but when you’re wired that way words only go so far.”
Karen said it’s important to their family to do whatever they can to reach out and try to help others that suffer like Jason did.
“Maybe they will realize that they don’t have to suffer silently. We also want to try to help doctors and parents and friends just to realize that these people are not going to always open up to you. You need to be the one to see the changes in them and start the conversation with them.”
Two years ago Jewish Family Service started a campaign to bring awareness to mental illness called “It’s OK to Talk About It.” At the time of Jason’s suicide in May, the Arkins learned first-hand that many people still don’t want to talk about mental illness, especially preferring to keep suicide a secret. Officials at Northwestern University, where Jason was a junior when he died, didn’t want to label Jason’s death a suicide. The Arkins were told students at the university would only learn that Jason died of a medical condition.
“I got very upset when the dean of student affairs said that. I said, ‘No. No. We want everyone to know that this was suicide,’ ” Karen said.
The family made sure to mention Jason’s illness in his obituary as well. Written by his first girlfriend Mollie Chesis, it said, “Jason struggled with clinical depression and ultimately passed due to his illness.”
“It was very beautiful. It was very honest. From the very beginning the obituary really touched people. We got letters and cards from all over the place and from people that we’ve never met and never will meet,” Karen said.
The Arkins also heard from people who were suicidal. Karen said these people told them, “just the fact that we were honoring Jason’s pain and respecting his struggle and not just saying he died after a brief illness or something equally vague really touched them.”
“They appreciated that we said depression is a fatal illness and depression killed this young man whose life had such promise. People have told us that that made them decide that they would not commit suicide because it gave them hope for the future”
In addition to walks and fundraising, the Arkin family is promoting an event for parents of middle and high school parents on Tuesday night, Aug. 25, through the Blue Valley School District called “The Art of Wellness and Resiliency” (see box for more information). They also hope to start a foundation through the Greater Kansas City Mental Health Coalition to help high school students and their families who are struggling with mental health issues. The idea is still in its formative stages and more information will be available about that as plans become solidified.
The GKCMHC was officially unveiled in May 2014 as an outgrowth of a coalition formed in the Jewish community in 2010 to combat stigma. The coalition is made up of 19 partner organizations that, under the leadership of JFS, are pooling resources and expertise to expand efforts in the wider community of Kansas City to combat stigma and increase understanding about mental illness. The effort has a dedicated website at www.itsOK.us.
“Through all of this we hope that people will start to recognize depression as being such a crippling illness and such a terribly disabling, invisible illness. People get cancer and everybody is rallying around and talking about it and donating money but it’s not the same for depression and other mental illnesses,” Karen said.
While the Arkins’ friends are walking in Overland Park, the Arkin family will actually be participating in a walk in Jason’s memory in Park Ridge, Illinois, a north suburb of Chicago not far from Northwestern. The team is called Maine East Alumni and Friends and the walk is taking place under the auspices of the Northern Cook County chapter of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Between 300 and 400 people are expected to be a part of the team. Steve graduated high school in Illinois and the walk was the idea of several of Steve’s friends. As of last week, that group of people had raised $60,000 in Jason’s memory for NAMI.
“But then we also wanted to do something locally,” Karen said. “This is a little more in its infancy here. We’d like to do an annual walk here and keep whatever money is raised in Kansas City in Kansas City.”
NAMI is also a part of the local walk. Here, under the guidance of Laura Intfen and Kim Romary, Greater Kansas City Mental Health Coalition coordinator, walkers will be encouraged to begin the conversation about mental health.
“They are going to have signs and stations along the way and have a vignette or a scenario to talk to the people that you came with about something regarding mental health issues. There will be little prompts to start the conversation along the way at various stops. Instead of walking and making idle conversation, you’ll be walking and you’ll be practicing having a conversation about mental health,” Karen explained.
In the three short months since Jason’s death, the Arkins have experienced an outpouring of love, something Karen said the family greatly appreciates.
“We want to do something to put a positive spin on this. Jason always said that he was a perfectionist because he wanted to make a difference in the world. I hope that after his death and through his death we can help make that difference.”
Ruth Baum Bigus, community relations director of Jewish Family Services, contributed to this article.{/mprestriction}
