The next chapter: ‘Banishing Bullying’

SuEllen Fried was worried about bullying in schools long before the Columbine massacre brought the issue to the fore in 1999. Her first book on the subject, “Bullies and Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield,” (M. Evans & Co.) co-authored with daughter Paula Fried, was published in 1996.

The Jewish mother-daughter team refined their thinking and terminology in their second book, “Bullies, Targets & Witnesses: Helping Children Break the Pain Chain.” (M. Evans & Co., 2003)

Now SuEllen Fried has turned to a different co-author, Blanche Sosland, for her latest book on the subject, “Banishing Bullying Behavior: Transforming the Culture of Pain, Rage and Revenge” (Rowman and Littlefield Education, 2009). Once again, the authors make use of the latest studies, including the most in-depth post-mortem on the Columbine massacre, which suggests that bullying played little, if any, role in the shooters’ motivation to commit mass murder.

Like Paula Fried, Blanche Sosland holds a doctoral degree. Paula Fried is a clinical psychologist, while Sosland’s Ph.D. is in reading education and psychology. Sosland is a professor emeritus at Park University in Parkville, Mo., where she taught education students for many years.

It was Sosland who suggested to SuEllen Fried that education students like hers at Park could benefit from a book on the subject of bullying directed mainly at them.

And while “Banishing Bullying Behavior” is meant to be used by teachers and prospective teachers, it can also benefit parents and others, Sosland said.

“There is material for school administrators, superintendants, principals, teachers, counselors, school nurses, school secretaries, bus drivers — the whole gamut,” Sosland said. “It’s also written so that book groups can use it. We have a section of questions in there that they can use to discuss the material. It’s for PTAs and PTOs. It’s really directed to the community and to legislators, too.”

The co-authors explained that, as a result of consciousness having been raised on the issue, some 40 states — recently including Kansas —- now have laws that require each school to have a policy on bullying. In the case of Kansas, there was no funding attached to enable or enforce the policy, but it’s a start, SuEllen Fried said.

Level of civility
While consciousness has clearly been raised, Fried said, in some ways the problem has gotten worse in the years since she first became involved. For one thing, with the rise of the Internet came the rise of cyber-bullying — the electronic distribution of threats and “disses.”

“It used to be a child could escape it when he or she came home from school,” Fried said. “Now it follows them into their bedroom.”
In addition, Fried said, social interactions of all sorts have grown even coarser, and that seeps down into the schoolyard.

“I often say that our reality show was ‘Leave it to Beaver,’ ” Fried said. “Today, the kids run home to watch Jerry Springer. The thing I most despair about is the (low) level of civility that has become the norm for our society.”

Fried said she has “cried a lot” over the years after hearing tales of bullying and its aftereffects told to her by students, teachers and others.

But she is also heartened by the progress that has been made, and the tools now available to help adults and children deal with bullying.

Is kindness practical?
“Some kids … are truly in need of psychological counseling to relinquish their (bullying) behavior,” Fried said. “But lots of kids can respond to the concepts of empathy. I tell a lot of stories when I work in the classroom, and kids who have a conscience can really relate to these stories. I am always amazed at how many students will apologize (to a peer he or she has bullied) during a session. It’s very brave. They have come to rethink how much pain they have caused.”

It’s a good thing, too, Fried said, because studies show that bullying behavior is a strong indicator of later criminal behavior and conviction.

Not to mention the scar it leaves upon the one who is targeted.

Sosland said that came home to her again when she served as scholar in residence at Congregation Beth Israel Abraham and Voliner late last year.

“One of the people in the audience at BIAV came up to me, sheepishly, afterward and said ‘After 60 years, I am ashamed to admit I am still wishing ill to the kid who bullied me as a child.’ Another person said publicly ‘The happiest day in my life was the day the guy who bullied me changed schools.’ This was after 40 years. So the impact is lifelong. Don’t brush it off, it’s very serious business.”

Fried put it another way.

“I’m trying to say to the kids ‘Just imagine what kind of world this could be if your generation decided to stop pain whenever and wherever you could and fill that vacuum with kindness,’ ” she said. “I know that sounds idealistic, but it’s really practical.”

Trackback(0)

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (0)

Write comment